Family in the time of a PhD candidacy

Author: Ioanna Paspali

We met with fourth-year PhD candidate Michele Buono to grab a coffee and discuss an 11-month addition to his household, his son, and how it is having a child at home, in the midst of doing a full-time PhD candidacy.

For a lot of people, the decision to start a family can be quite an intimidating one. However, that was not the case for Michele and his partner “ We just wanted to have kids, so we decided to start trying and went with it”.

Both Michele and his partner are working full-time in a lab, so the time they found out about the pregnancy was full of excitement, and of course some fear of the unknown. “Being a scientist means that you know that anything can happen, and that can be quite scary”. When his son was born, he stayed home from work for 3 weeks and then jumped right back on and so did his partner when her pregnancy leave ended. “We were lucky because he was such a quiet baby as a newborn, it did get a bit tougher as he aged though”.

Since Michele and his partner are both expats, they found the biggest help to be their son's day-care and the quiet demeanor of their son. “Since we both work on such demanding jobs, we miss a lot of time with him. Sometimes he is in the daycare for 10-11 hours, however finishing this PhD will give me prospects that will help us, and him in the future”. Taking a step like starting a family can be intimidating next to a challenging PhD position. Nevertheless, having a relaxed demeanor about life and a good supporting system can be enough for someone to figure it out.

When not at work, Michele is the kind of dad that wants his son to join him in all sorts of activities. Just like most people his age, he enjoys socializing with friends for dinner, drinks or coffee. During that time, he never has to worry about his son, since he is always with him. “It is very important, especially for busy people, to make your child adjust to your schedule rather than the other way around”.

As we were wrapping things up, it was clear from the example of Michele that if anyone wants a family, but they find the prospect of it daunting next to a time-consuming PhD, maybe they shouldn’t overthink it and just go for it.